Children & Grief

GUIDES TO HEAL FAMILIES

Death is a natural event. Experts agree that children, even very young ones, shouldn't be shielded from the death of a loved one. Children are able to recognize death as an event and are often curious enough to ask questions about it. The general advice is to talk to a child simply and honestly, in a way that fits their age.

Ages 2 to 7

Up to age 7, children tend to see death mainly as separation, which can leave them feeling abandoned or scared. They may not want to sleep alone, or may resist going to school.



Because children this young often aren't yet skilled at expressing feelings in words, they may "act out" instead, through tantrums, defiance, or imaginative role-play. Children between 2 and 5 may also experience changes in eating, sleeping, or toileting habits. Children under 2 may become more irritable or suddenly stop talking as much.

Ages 7 to 12

Children in this age range have usually begun to understand death as permanent. They may see it as a more personal threat, developing a fear of dying themselves, or adopting "protective" behaviors, like sticking close to someone they see as a protector, or trying hard to be "brave" or "good." Others may withdraw socially or emotionally.



Watch for trouble concentrating on schoolwork, difficulty following directions, or struggles with daily tasks.

Teens

Teenagers understand and perceive death much the way adults do, but they may express grief differently, sometimes more dramatically, or through reckless behavior as a way of "defying" death. Reckless driving, smoking, drinking, drug use, or unprotected sex can all be forms of acting out anxiety and grief.

Thoughts of suicide can sometimes be present in a teen struggling to process loss. Warning signs include a preoccupation with death, talking openly about suicide, or giving away belongings.



If you notice any of these signs, please don't wait, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, and seek professional counseling for your child right away.